Brokenness: The most painful chapter of your life

We have all experienced seasons where life did not go to plan. Where what you expected did not come to pass and where failure ( emotional, spiritual, physical and relational) is glaring in your face. It is in these seasons you begin to understand the meaning of ‘brokenness’.

‘The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.’ Psalm 34:18

It is in the place of brokenness a believer recognises their human limitations and weaknesses; and it is in the midst of pressing situations and life changing experiences, the frailty of human life begins to apparently speak louder than the promises God (1 Kings 19:4-14). Questions upon questions begin to flood your thoughts and invade your emotions. Why me? Why now? And why is this happening to me again?

If you are not careful and you succumb under these barrage of questions you may become overwhelmed, disappointed and in some cases stressed and depressed. So what do you do when you find yourself in the most painful chapter of your life? where everyone who you have ever trusted has let you down. When you cannot sleep because silent torment, hidden agony and buried pain has deceived you into believing that you are unworthy and incapable. When escaping from it all seems like the only valid option. What you choose to do, in the most challenging time of your life, will determine what the next chapter of your life will look like.

Challenging lessons from the bible

The bible gives us many examples of painful experiences that are birthed in seasons where sin has produced a negative change in a believer’s life. It is in these experiences you see the heart of a broken people: a people depressed, cast down and wounded. A people in need of a Saviour. It is at this point I want to illustrate three common examples of challenging experiences in the bible. These experiences are relational in context, and include household experiences and temptations. So let us take a brief look at them.

Relational (including and not limited to: rape, emotional, physical and spiritual abuse): Oftentimes it is the people we hold dear to our hearts that will cause us the most pain. We trust them and they abuse our love and trust. It is in these relationship breaches we find ourselves struggling to get up in life, because the wounds of the heart are too deep. These unaddressed hidden wounds can often lead us to look at people through the lens of these experiences even though we know we should not. For example: Tamar the daughter of David and full sister of Absalom was raped by her paternal half-brother Amnon ( 2 Samuel 13). Her brother abused her trust and raped her, leaving her a shadow of her former self. In the aftermath of this transgression, Absalom her brother gave her sound advice, he said:

‘….Don’t take this thing to heart.” ( Tamar did not take her brother's counsel ) And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman’ 2 Samuel 13: 20

Tamar was publicly shamed, violated, grieved, bitterly sad and heartbroken, she took her brother’s sin against her to heart ( 2 Samuel 13: 12-14). There are believers who despite their acceptance of Christ are living with relational wounds that are still to this day bringing them public shame, bitterness and rejection. The transgression of another has brought them life changing pain and the experience they have endured, they have taken it to heart.

Household divisions (i.e.: Broken homes, Sibling Rivalry, infidelity, rejection, betrayal , fatherlessness):

It is hard to believe that ‘a man's foes shall be they of his own household’ Matthew 10: 36. There are believers who share their homes with their worst enemy. In their home you will find conflicts of opinions, personality clashes, favouritism and covetousness, the list can go on. Disharmony causes family division and a house divided cannot stand ( Mark 3: 25).

A divided house = a dwelling place where fractured hearts are present.

Within the complexities and frailness of broken relations you find thoughts and intents of the heart that are not from God. I am sure that you have heard these murderous thoughts being spoken in or around your home at some point in time: ’I hate you!’ , ‘you disgust me’ , ‘I despise you with a passion’ ( Matthew 15: 19-20). These are sinful thoughts that birth more sinful and painful experiences.

“And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.” Genesis 37: 4

In the scriptures there are many scenarios where families have been divided. Look at Cain and Abel , Joseph and his brothers and David and his sons. In the midst of standing out, or seeking acceptance from others in a family bloodline, you may find infighting, where word curses are thrown around like arrows, wounding souls and making hearts bleed. It is from these family experiences , you will hear believers confess to seeking comfort in people and things outside of the home, abandoning their homes or renouncing their families or persons from their family. The interactions from these broken relationships are creating painful situations daily.

Temptations: (Testing times).

And when he came to the place, he said to them, “Pray that you may not enter into temptation.” Luke 22:40 ESV

Joseph was tempted, David was tempted , Jesus was tempted and we too face temptations ( 2 Samuel 11: 2-4, Matthew 4, Genesis 39: 7-8) . Temptations test our hearts. Temptations will cause you to choose between God and Satan. James 4:7 , says it this way: Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. You must choose whether you sin or not because your choices will lead you into an experience that will change your life. For instance: Joseph turned down Potiphar’s wife and kept his moral integrity. However, in doing so, the wrath of rejection led to him being falsely accused and thrown into prison ( Genesis 39: 16-20). King David on the other hand yielded to the temptation of the heart, and God chastised him (2 Samuel 12:11). Yielding to temptation has taken many believers off course in life. It is in the regrets, guilt, shame and condemnation, many find themselves struggling to lift their heads up (Psalm 3:3).

God’s grace is available in challenging seasons

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

It is easy to become defensive when you want to avoid being criticized. Or when you perceive that your life is under a microscope. In challenging situations you may harden your heart, practice avoidance, become overly dependent or solemnly independent. Guarding your heart this way, does not equate to guarding your heart the biblical way (Proverbs 4:23). Guarding your heart the biblical way requires God’s love, forgiveness and his grace. God’s grace is available to you when you are stuck in the place of brokenness. In the words of Apostle Paul ‘ God’s grace is ‘sufficient enough’ in times when your circumstances intimidate you, relationships fail and betrayal knocks on your door. It is important that you acknowledge that God’s love, his forgiveness and grace is available to you. You just need to recognise God in the midst of life’s trials and testing’s. Return your focus back on him and not on yourself and pray.

“And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.”

Here are five biblical keys to help you in painful times of your life:

• Acknowledge your sin. What is your sin? Recognise your bad habits, your idols, your strongholds and your addictions. Repent and seek God’s mercy and forgiveness and forgive those who have sinned against you (Psalm 51, 1 John 1:9).
• Be vulnerable before God: It is in the place of vulnerability, people feel the most uncomfortable because they do not want people to judge their shortcomings, and see the truth that they have not actually got it all together. The social mask you wear in public must come off. Be open with God and acknowledge your need for him (Hebrews 4:13). God loves you and has accepted you in his beloved, you do not need to fight for man’s approval or acceptance. You just need to come to God.
• Recognise that God has not abandoned you: The bible says that God is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. You are not alone, in dark times, even if it feels like it ( Hebrews 13:5). Stop focusing on your failures and focus on God.
• Be Humble: It is ok, you can admit that you have a weakness(es) and limitation(s). Admitting your short-comings does not take away from what God has called you to do. Your weaknesses and limitations should draw you closer to God. God wants you to discover his strength in your weakness(es) (2 Corinthians 12:9). God wants to heal your broken heart.
• Total surrender: God’s grace is available to you, you just have to yield to God's will and authority. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, because leaning on your own understanding will not help you out of your problems ( Proverbs 3: 5-6).

Finally, when your self-sufficiency is challenged and you are broken down, admitting that you are broken is the first step to receiving God’s deliverance and healing in difficult times. Seek God. Trust God. Yield to God’s authority and will and his grace will strengthen you when you are weak.